"I Fear People Don't Want to Love Me,
They Want to Collect Me," 1998, 145 x 45 in.
(Text below is written on canvas:)
|I have this fear, people don't want to love me, they want to collect
my wings, and make me pay.
I came to the edge of the
abyss and I fell in and drowned--
I died, and died, a daily
death, I prayed to God to take my life
and give my vital energy
to someone more deserving.
I did spiritual cpr on myself
have pinch-hitting angels -- friends who have restored my faith,
and dreams -- my wants and desires.
I have to run and make art to
feel alive, to survive.
I run past the Holocaust Museum and I pray
I wish I could send something of myself back to the people, the
dads, the grandparents and babies all those people
throughout Europe, who
where uprooted, tortured, degraded,
enslaved, operated on with out anesthesia,
those who killed themselves and their children, those who
courage to help,
those who survived and had the optimism to have
I run by the memorial to their courage, their memories
and I wish so many
all around the
world man's inhumanity to man leaves horrendous graves and
on peoples' souls, I have 70 channels and anything that happens in the
world comes into my living room via tv. I have so much--a home,
food, 2 cats,
family and friends.
I am so grateful for
everything and everybody in my life. I feel relief, the
night to night death wishes are gone. I don't pray to God to
take my life
I pray to live in a world with peace,
food, healthcare for people in the
global world we
pray for strength to hold onto my spiritual integrity and to be
in my life choices. There is a technological highway running thru
my mind. I have to latex my mind and my genitals. Be discerning
to the messages emitted via the media, make my own
decisions about what I read
and see on tv/film-- the same with
potential lovers--it's about discernment,
understanding right from wrong and taking responsibility. I
feel fear anymore. I want to get married and have children; My art--I
want to make people think and feel. I want to live. I don't want
but I want to have faith and hope in humanity. I
thought God turned
his/her back and I was wrong.
ever-evolving technological revolution, ever expanding population
there seems to be more people addicted to anything that will
from their pain; their disconnection with God or
some divine source. Some
people get addicted to power, fame, some
are addicted to sex, the next
conquest, drugs, shopping,
purchasing, tv, computers, the internet, bingeing,
addicted to pain, sadness, inertia.
don't run away from painful
emotions or cover them up with
alcohol, food, sex, no one escapes
pain, some people worship celebrity,
and think fame and money
will make them happy--NO--
celebrity can take all your weaknesses
and amplify them
the "grass is greener" syndrome
grass isn't necessarily greener.
Carolyn Myss talks about "attitude
I look at Serge Klarsfeld's book of "French
Children of Holocaust" with
pictures of beautiful children.
My heart breaks intensely for a moment, feel
can't get stuck in the sadness anymore
Thank God for people who
help us remember
I cannot fathom acts of cruelty, destruction
that are happening at this very
moment all around the world but I
comfort myself the good people, the good
acts are far greater.
"When people sexualize"
sex without love
look at you like you are body parts
I am so much more than my
I try to be the best parts of my humanity.
who are you calling?
Whom do you want to be connected
On a cellular level
Whom do you really want to connect